Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Oster Blasphemy

Like many expat neophytes, last year I learned the hard way: Germans take their holidays very seriously, and they use many of the Christian holidays as a pretext for time off. Ironically, in the United States, ostensibly the more religious of the two nations, most of these holidays have become quite secularized and hence are not really a big deal. Perhaps it's the Puritan work ethic at play.

At any rate, a holiday like Easter, in the US no more than a blip on the radar screen (we're off on Sundays anyway), here becomes a fully-fledged four day monstrosity for which one must plan to the letter. Everything is geschlossen (closed) for the duration, and if you haven't stocked up on food, condoms, tampons, books or whatever, you're absolutely fucked. And for god's sake, make arrangements with your dealer because chances are he too is holed up somewhere with his family on the Baltic Sea. For those expats staying in Berlin , good planning is of the essence. And cast around for Easter parties, otherwise it's going to be a nail-chewingly long weekend.

This year, I'll be attending an Easter Egg hunt (Ostereiersuche) followed by a queer Country and Western party, the pinnacle of which promises to be the Hunky Jesus Contest. Those dressed as Hunky Jesus pay kein Eintritt.

At first I thought this was a uniquely German merging of flesh and spirit, but a quick search revealed that the Hunky Jesus Contest was actually a tradition begun in San Francisco a few years back by the venerable Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence! I stumbled on this short article on the "American Conservative Daily" website, a sort of watchdog group for sinners. So much paranoia packed into such a short space!


Grant Swank* | March 25, 2008

Men gather in a park for the ‘Hunky Jesus’ competition sponsored by the blasphemous Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence।

Many of the males are hardly clothed. They wear crowns of thorns.

This is an ongoing homosexual agenda to play out the spirit of Antichrist, sometimes in the open as in Dolores Park and at other times in a San Francisco Catholic sanctuary।

In other years’ contests, there have appeared the “old-school Jesus,” “surfer Jesus,” and “zombie Jesus” per Sydney Morning Herald’s Daniel Emerson।

The homosexual group has been parading its anti-biblical stage show since 1979.

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